This is me in Tahoe in June. I was prep'ing for my 3rd Century Bike Ride (100 mi.) around the Lake to raise $/support for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Sure, it looks as tho I'm relaxing by the Casino's pool, but a very important part of training for an endurance event is in one's attitude and Sense of Fabulous. Don't believe me? Ask any cyclist who was dropped by Lance "6-Tours" Armstrong about the humiliation caused by the ease with which he does it. He passes by dancing on those pedals. It really isn't about what you do but how! Besides, where else could I get away with wearing that hat?

his smile makes me feel so warm inside.

Reason # 471: Why it is cool to be black

No eating disorders. Anorexia, not eating, not an issue. bulemia, not possible to sneak that by a black mother; and you'll beat twice as hard for wasting good food that she and daddy worked very hard to provide. Each word punctuated with a swat of a "Hot Wheels" tracking. Bright orange, long and thin and very flexible. One mediocre swip at a leg could produce 4 - 5 wrap-arounds. So, really no eating disorders. The closest we get is the mayhem that insues when we run out of hot sauce, but no disorders. And, even if we did somehow get by Mom's scrutiny, we would never starve due to the store of fats in our delicious bottoms.

Soundbites in verite I

Wuz there a pit?/Yeah, man, people were moshing & everything./Duuude, don't mosh, no, not me anymore...too old./How old man?/29./Duuude, me, too! I got tossed from a _____ show 2 weeks ago.

Burlesque Revue on CBS

The FCC voted unanimously to fine CBS a total penalty of $550,000.00. It is the largest fine levied against a broadcaster. "As countless families gathered around the television to watch one of our nation's most celebrated events, they were rudely greeted with a half-time show stunt more fitting of a burlesque show," said FCC Chairman Michael Powell.

Shortly after the announcement, a family was interviewed on their reaction to the fine against CBS:

"It ain't enough, I'm outraged!" claimed Stone Glashaus, dining with his wife, daughter and Grandmother at the 'Hooter's' family eatery of Pompton Lakes, NJ. "I only had to replay the TiVo of that outrageous display 27 times to see that they totally planned it."

"Our sweet, 15-year-old, Amber, was so shocked when it happened, she nearly fell out of Uncle Nubby's lap," chimed in Stone's wife, Livinia Glashaus, a former Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. "Thank goodness he had a real tight grip on Amber's waist; there's no telling how she could have been damaged."

"Amber was so traumatized, we had to take her out the next day and buy her the Brittany Spears' box Set so she..." (the rest of Mr. Glashaus's comment was muffled as Hooter's head-server, Sunny, leaned in to pour him more coffee.)

Amber stopped rummaging through her bag of 'back-to-school' garments from the new Victoria's Secret-R-Us long enough to brandish her training thong, adding, with a toss of her hair, "Yeah, it's really gross when adults try to be sexy."

"Hush! Half a mill for one tit?" interrupted Nana Glashaus putting down her vodka Stinger. "It's ridiculous! In my prime, I 'accidently-on-purpose' dropped one of my feathers and was fined a sawbuck and night in the pokey. Land of the free, my sweet Aunt Fanny!" Once known as "The Bounce from Bayonne", the elder Ms. Glashaus now resides at the 'Movers and Shakers Burlesque' rest home.

It is speculated that FCC Chairman, Michael Powell's next target is NJ Governor, Jim McGreevy, for 'coming out' on national TV before 10 pm and interrupting 'Oprah!'. Nobody interrupts 'Oprah!'.

I remember the East Village when:
* Rats were the size of dobermans and not the other way around
* leaping over junkies provided enough daily exercise
* you'd go to a bar to get drunk, not sushi
* Goths were thin
* pre-O.D. Artists lived in Thompkins Sq Pk where the dog run now is
* THERE WEREN'T 47 BRIDAL SHOPS ON 9TH ST ALONE!
* a dime-bag didn't cost $60
* peasants could afford the 'peasant fare' at Veselka
* tatoos and body piercings were unique
* dancing was legal

Goooooooo Lance Armstrong! Prove that some Texans do EARN their victories and are respected by France and the World!

I had a full conversation about turning 40 on my next birthday in a few days. The conclusion was that I was totally okay with it. On my way home, I realized, I'm NOT turning 40! Either I faked a crisis or I'm senile!

I'm really going to slap somebody! Okay, if a person can come over and say something impolite and crappy, then they should NOT be surprised if the response is a slap. Sometimes a full pimp-smacking is required! And following the crappy remark with a chuckle doesn't soften the crappiness; it only puts it in the passive-aggressive realm, Punk. People are way too far removed from their mother's admonishments i.e. slaps and have gotten way the fuck out of line. Just because someone is legally an adult doesn't mean that they are fully-grown...achh! And dominatrix shit doesn't count. No, people need to be forced to stop and consider their bad behaviour and if a slap in the face is what is needed to wake their asses up, then so be it!

Okay, now that that's off my chest I'd like to change the 'slap' to a pie in the face. Flavour optional.

Whazzup, my Brutha/Sistah?

Last night, I was mocked out for being offended by the word 'nigger'. Mocked like a prude at a nudist colony. I don't understand the neeeeed to say THAT word; actually, go ahead, say it... that lets me know right off that you're an asshole. And, thank you. Oh, maybe not an asshole in the 'string 'em up, Bo Bo' kind of way, but in that, "I know nothing about history but I'm too arrogant to be embarrased by my stupidity," kind of way. I don't remember the part when Dr. King said that he dreamt of a world where little black children and little white children would happily call each other the ugliest word in the English language, while little boriqua children act as tho they own a "I can say, nigger, too." card, but would rather DIE than admit to any negro blood. 20-yr-old, bullet-ridden rappers are NOT at the political forefront, ok? Trust me on this, black people would totally comprehend if you wanted to show your comraderie by calling them, say, 'buddy' or here's a whacky idea, by their NAME.